


A first time for something

by hetalianGemini15



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Baby Tord, I'm too american to write Europeans, M/M, Mama Mari raising her kids, Other, and short, its cute, raising kids is fun, the most child friendly thing ill ever write, whoever let me have 9 kids should be sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-21 08:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetalianGemini15/pseuds/hetalianGemini15
Summary: The guys raising kids, or being raised as kids. It's cute little oneshots. You are welcome.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you @I-tried-to-animate-once for getting me off my ass to write this. It's 3 am help.

Characters I will write as:  
-Main four  
-Paul  
-Patryck  
-Ellsworld  
-Tomatoredd  
-Torm [Specify which version of him]  
-Medd  
-OC children from what the hell and Who Says karma hates you [as the kids duhh]  
-Me [Mama Mari/Dr. Mari/ bab Mari idfk]

Scenarios that I'll do:  
-Any really

Things that you could include in prompt to make me laugh:  
-A & B trying to raise de-aged friend C till everything goes back to normal  
-A & B getting set with a kid and thinking their amazing at parenting.... Oh look there's a baby duct taped to the ceiling fan  
-First period  
-literally any sort of praise???? I will scream into pillows  
-Yes Ringo does count as Edd's kid, yes she can take care of herself, will I put her in randomly? Hell yes  
-If someone asks for Lucifer to raise baby Tord I'm going to YEET you to the sun  
-Mama Mari is now a character you can mess with. Give me all the bois as my children I dare you 

So Ummm here  
Morning~ [it's 3:22 am here kms]

~Mari


	2. Tooth Hurty

There was a loud crash from the other room, a little bit of loud crying following. Instantly knowing that something had happened to my son, I moved closer to where the loud noise had come from. Glancing in through the open bedroom door, I couldn't help the small chuckle that came from me. It was surely something to see your four and a half year old on his bedroom floor tangled up in his blankets the first day of his break from school. Composing myself again I walked over and picked up my still crying son. Coming face to face with a small stream of blood coming from an obviously bruised nose and a puffy lip, I moved into the kitchen with the small blonde mess in my arms.

“Now whatever gave you the idea to fall out of bed and get hurt on your first day of break from preschool? Are you trying to scare your dad and I?” Pinching a tissue over his nose, I had handed him an ice cube wrapped in a napkin to hold to his lip. We were both lucky my husband had already left for work a few hours ago, he didn't enjoy the sight of blood too much and would probably try to take everyone to the hospital.

“I fhout I wath weit for scwoll.” Watching the silver eyes glance to the side I couldn't help the smile on my face. At least he’s trying to be punctual and stay in school. It was a bit longer before he was patched up completely, his bottom lip still a little swollen. It was a little later that he actually wanted to eat, asking me to make him toast with honey on it. I was sitting across from him reading a book when I hear a soft whine in pain. Glancing up I saw him with his fingers in his mouth. 

“Tord, you know that having your hands in your mouth is disrespectful at the dinner table.”

“My twooth hurt momwy.” Sighing softly I stood from my seat and knelt down next to his seat. 

“Let me see what's wrong.” I used the flashlight on my phone to see into my son's mouth, only barely noticing what the issue was. Both the front bottom teeth were loose, probably a result from the tumble he took earlier. Using a napkin to push back against the two small teeth I heard a small whimpered ‘ouch’.

“Looks like you're losing your teeth early. My baby boy’s growing up so fast! Want me to give you the toothache stuff?” Receiving a small nod from the horn-haired boy, he rubbed the small tube of gel and helped with administering it to the proper spot. Breakfast went on without another issue, and I let Tord pull out his Lego's in the living room to build for a while before dinner. Explaining everything that happened to my husband while we fixed supper was fun, I had to move the pot of noodles before our spaghetti ended up a little more salty than we all liked.  
~~~~~

Over the next few days we both had to remind Tord to stop messing with his loose teeth multiple times. It was the day before he would go back to preschool that I heard a shout and then laughter, which was followed by a yell of fear and something heavy falling. Moving into the living room from where I was in the laundry room, I see Paul on the floor as far from Tord as he could while staying in the room.

“What in the world happened in here?”

“Momwy my twoofts fell owt. See!” Crouching down to be eye level with my son, I was given the sight of a small bloody hole in his lower mouth, two small teeth barely the size of the nail on my little finger in his small hand. Taking the two small teeth from him I kissed his forehead softly before picking up Tord to help him wash his mouth out. 

“Let's clean your mouth out and put your teeth into a plastic baggy so they don't get lost under your pillow and the tooth fairy can get them okay?” I set him on the counter before getting a cup and putting warm salt water in it to have him clean his mouth out. Watching as he followed my directions, I carefully rinsed off the two teeth before putting them into the plastic bag and told him to put it under his pillow.

“That was so gross Pat. And isn't he too young to lose his teeth?!” Paul had finally gotten off the floor and come to join me in the kitchen. 

“Every kid’s different Paul. And anyway it happened to you when you were little so stop being such a big baby, I only agreed to raise one kid not two.” Watching my husband huff, I chuckled as Tord ran back into the room and hugged my leg. It was funny, he would have something to show off at school tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> 843 words
> 
> Preschool Tord is so cute! And Tom or Edd are gonna try losing their teeth too after this to show dominance or something.  
> Paul is squirmy and doesn't like blood or seeing something that would probably hurt lots, while Pat is a tired mom figure to two kids by this point. 
> 
> I've been listening to “Potential Breakup Song” by Aly & AJ [2007] for the past hour and I'm feeling old. Damn my childhood >~<  
> ~Mari


	3. Full House

Family game night. That's something normal right? Wrong. I don't know why I ever thought taking in eight kids after I had my son, but this was a disaster. Every Friday night we have family game night, the ten of us playing with 2 sets of cards or in teams of two or three with me as moderator. I walk away for ten minutes to help my youngest use the bathroom - he's in training pants and I'm really proud of him - and come back to find the living room a mess. At first glance it looked like the room was split in half before I noticed that there were two separate arguments. After I set Jon down between Matt and Mark, I picked up my second youngest and second oldest to separate them from their own fights. From my left arm I heard whining from my only blood related son who was trying to get out of my arms, and from my right arm I only heard yelling in very broken English and Norse thinking he was out of trouble.

“Now what in the world happened in here? I go to help Jon with the bathroom and come back to half of my kids fighting! One at a time explain what happened while I was out of the room.” I let the duo in my arms sit on my hips so I could rub my forehead, I'll be needing something to fight this headache after I take care of this all.

“Eduardo hit me! He sawid I was gwerly and that gwerls were yucky and that I am yucky.”

“No I didn't!” I sighed pinching my nose, how wasn't this obvious?

“Both of you quiet. Eduardo go to the west corner, Edd you're in the east corner. Face the wall or you're sitting there longer.” Setting the load in my left arm down I watched the two go to their corners before turning to the other argument that still continued from my arm.

“Tord be quiet, Tom explain what happened.” Hearing the younger of the two finally cease in his yelling, I looked to the other that participated in the argument.

“He was trying to cheat in the game and take your cards mummy! I was trying to stowp him but-”

“Woo cheater! I nej cheet! Tom grab min cards!” After Tord, who was still in my arms, had begun yelling once more, I closed my eyes for a good few seconds trying to keep myself calm. It always seemed like these two would start an argument whenever there was something they didn't agree on.

“Both of you quiet! Tom go to the north corner and Tord you're in the south corner. Face the wall and if I see you looking at each other or hear either of you you're going to be sitting there for longer.” I glanced over to the clock noting that it was only a quarter after seven.

“Mark, Paul could you please clean up the cards and deal out while I take Jon to bed. Patryck, Matt come on it's time for your medicine.” Picking up Jon who was yawning softly, I motioned for Matt and Patryck to go to the kitchen while I put their little brother to bed. Now none of them were related literally, but legally they were all brothers since I had adopted them. Well most of them. I didn't actually adopt Edd, but hey that's a story for another time. Moving to the kitchen after making sure that Jon was asleep and would stay asleep for at least a few hours, I took the nightly medicine down from the cabinet. I would be taking my medicine after they were all in bed. Giving Patryck his allergy medicine I pulled down the thermometer before putting Matt onto the counter. He's been out of school for the past few days because he had a fever. It had thankfully gone down so he'd be able to go back next week. Giving him an oral syringe of children's tylenol I let him down off the counter before putting it all away. I'll wash the dishes when they're all in bed.

“Okay guys only a few more rounds before bed. Tom, Tord, Edd and Eduardo come here. I don't want to have to put you boys back in the corner tonight, so no more fights. Do you hear me?” Receiving four nods, I smiled before joining the kids at the table, dealing cards out for go fish. 

Yeah my family's a little hectic but I love them with all my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~~  
> 766 words  
> Edd is my biological son in this [if it makes sense]. Brown eyes are recessive in my family so that worked.   
> Ages of my kids:  
> Patryck 9  
> Paul 8 ½  
> Mark 7  
> Edd 6 ½  
> Eduardo 6  
> Matt 5 ½  
> Tom 4 ½  
> Tord 4 ½  
> Jon 3 ½
> 
> Patryck has bad allergies and asthma while Matt gets sick easily. [not mentioned but Edd has mild seasonal allergies but nothing else, Tom is allergic to citrus, Paul has an oral fixation, Mark needs glasses, and Tord is in need of speech therapy].
> 
> Honestly if anyone wants I would possibly be willing to do a side series for this… I have a few childhood stories that I could use to fuel it [my brain wants me to replace my brother with Tord right now and I'm trying not to cackle]
> 
> ~ Mama Mari


	4. Tord's first run-in with the law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Tord is my little brother and I am my mother. Dear god help us.   
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ma'am do you have an emergency?” I was standing face to face with a police officer. Confused for a few moments I heard the soft pattering of footsteps from my nearly two year old son coming after me. Shaking my head, I voiced my answer. 

 

“No there isn't any emergency here.” I found myself bending over to pick up my older child, his thumb seeming to be stuck in his mouth. “Eddy, no thumb sweetpea. You'll get a boo-boo if you keep doing that.”

 

“Ma'am hang up your phone.”

 

“What? I'm not on the phone.” I stared at him incredulously before moving the tyke onto my hip.

 

“There was a call from this address, ma'am. If you would please check.” Motioning for the man to come in, I moved back into the living room from the entryway.

 

“I don't understand how there would've been a call from here. I was just on the phone with my younger brother who is back in the states and my youngest is down for a nap in his crib in the back room.” Going towards where the home phone was usually at, the deck was empty. 

 

“Ma'am is there anyone else in the house?” I shook my head confused. Where could the phone have gone? 

 

“It's only my sons and I home officer. Let me use the locator on the charging deck to find the phone.” Pressing the button we all heard the loud beeping noise from down the hall. Following the noise, I found myself in front of the door to the nursery with the police officer right behind me. What I opened the door to was a shocking sight. 

 

My nine month old baby boy, Tord, who I had put down for a nap a bit ago was under his crib. The bars which I had made sure to lock in the highest position, was down. Tord, my nine month old, was laying belly down on the floor under his crib and had pulled his baby blanket over his head like he was a ninja. He had backed up into the corner under the crib, the beeping phone being left where it was on the floor. As I watched the officer pick up the phone and explain what happened to the operator, I bounced Edd again who was on my hip. Once everything was squared away and the phone was back in its place I reached under the crib for my ninja son. 

 

About a few hours later after I had dug up the baby monitors once again, I went to call my brother and tell him about what had happened only to hit the speed dial going to the emergency operators. It took a few moments before I realized that all the speed dial numbers were replaced by the number for emergencies. Tord had managed at nine months old to reset each speed dial. 

 

And that was only Tord’s first run-in with the law. Like uncle like nephew I guess. It even works oceans apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~
> 
> 504 words
> 
> Baby Tord is my little brother [to the tittle on the letter i]and Baby Edd is little me. 
> 
> Based on a true story. Also these fics will probably center around me [Mari] raising the main four only. 
> 
> ~Mari


	5. Lullaby [Gift]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By: I-tried-to-animate-once on tumblr

“Wahhh!!!”

The cry came from the baby monitor early in the morning.

Patryck groaned, cracking open an eye as Tord wailed. He glanced over at the bedside clock. It read 4:03 AM. 

“Paul...” He mumbled. No response. He must be knocked out. He couldn’t blame him, he had been woken up by Tord at 11:20 and stayed with him until 2:55 .

Sighing, Pat dragged himself out of bed, slipped on his bathrobe, and left to the nursery. He picked up the screaming infant, and held him over his shoulder. 

“There, there, Tordie Bear. What’s wrong?” He felt his bottom, no need for a change. He didn’t look sick, and it wasn’t too hot or cold in the room. He tried giving him his pacifier, but he only spit it out. Putting it in his robe pocket, he sighed. 

“Are you hungry?” The Polish man asked, taking him over to the kitchen and grabbing the needed things for a bottle of formula.

Warming up the water in the microwave, Patryck bounced the bawling baby gently, which seemed to quiet his cries a little. Once done making the bottle, he sat down on the couch, and held it to the boy’s lips. He started to eat, grey orbs focusing on his papa. 

Patryck cleaned Tord’s tears and snot up with his finger, then wiped it on his robe. It needed to be washed anyway.

Once Tord was done, Patryck grabbed a kitchen towel and held it over the shoulder he would burp Tord on, just in case of any spit up. 

Luckily, no spit up tonight. Patryck put Tord back in his crib, and as he walked away, Tord started to cry again. Patryck sighed and picked him back up. 

“Are you lonely?” Patryck asked, stroking his soft blonde hair. Tord cling to his robe, hiccuping. Patryck gave him his pacifier, and he started to suck on it.

Patryck sat down on the rocking chair, and smiled at the little person he loved so much. 

“A-a-a, a-a-a, byly sobie kotki dwa.  
A-a-a, kotki dwa, szarobure, szarobure obydwa.” He started to sing, rocking Tord gently.

“Ach, śpij, kochanie,  
jesli gwiazdke z nieba chcesz - dostaniesz. Wszystkie dzieci, nawet źle, pogrążone są we śnie,  
a ty jedna tylko nie.” Tord rubbed his eyes with his tiny hands.

“A-a-a, a-a-a, byly sobie kotki dwa.  
A-a-a, kotki dwa, szarobure, szarobure obydwa.” Tord closed his eyes, lips parting slightly.

“Ach, śpij, bo wlaśnie księżyc ziewa i za chwilę zaśnie. A gdy rano przyjdzie świt księzycowi będzie wstyd, ze on zasnąl, a nie ty.” Patryck kissed Tord’s tiny forehead, and softly set him down in his crib.

He walked back to his and Paul’s room, snuggling under the covers. He felt Paul turn around and spoon him from behind. 

“I heard everything through the baby monitor,” Paul whispered, kissing his ear and then his jaw. “I just wanted to hear you take care of him this time...” 

“That’s a bad excuse, hon...” Patryck huffed, and the Dutchman shushed him. 

“Get some sleep...I love you babe...” 

Pat smiled a little. 

“I love you too...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse me I'm screaming at this gift
> 
> I don't speak Polish at all but fun fact I just was speaking German. Books are fun Here's the song in English [thanks Animate] Ah-ah-ah*, ah-ah-ah, There were once two little kittens. Ah-ah-ah, two little kittens, They were both grayish-brown. Oh, sleep, my darling, If you'd like a star from the sky I'll give you one. All children, even the bad ones, Are already asleep, Only you are not. Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, There were once two little kittens. Ah-ah-ah, two little kittens, They were both grayish-brown. Oh, sleep, because The moon is yawning and he will soon fall asleep. And when the morning comes He will be really ashamed, That he fell asleep and you did not.


	6. Macaroni Discourse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By: Coffee-is-my-favorite-drug on here
> 
> Y'all I'm blessed

I had just arrived at the house, adjusting my duffle bag full of activities. I rang the doorbell, and a few seconds later a small boy with tan skin and weird bangs opened the door. 

“Hi, I’m Evelyn! I’m here to watch you and your siblings for a few hours.” I said, fixing my hair out of my eyes. 

“Patryck, I told you not to answer the door without telling me who it is!” A female said, holding a small boy in her arms. When she saw me though, her attitude changed. “Oh, hey Evelyn. Glad you could make it!”

“Hi Ms. Mari. It’s no biggie!” I said smiling, flashing my braces. 

She let me in, and handed me a list. It had the children’s names, ages, interests, and any medical issues they had. For example, Tom had a citrus allergy.

“Good to know...” I mentally noted.

She left, and I set my things down on the living room couch. I heard someone running and turned around, only to get hit on the forehead with a NERF bullet. 

“Oh!” I gasped, and saw a boy with horned hair looking at me. 

“Be gone wu intwuder!” He yelled, and I sighed. 

“Hi, I’m Evelyn. I’m your babysitter for a bit.” I explained, keeping my cool. His brows furrowed.

“I’m not a bwaby! I don’t weed a bwaby sitter!” He protested, and I sighed. 

“Tord, she’s gonna watch us ‘till mom gets back...” a older boy with brown hair and a green shirt told him. 

“Hello, what’s your name?” I asked, crouching down to his level. He grinned. 

“I’m Edd! This is Tord,” he pointed at his younger brother, and then at the winged hair boy. “And that’s Patryck!” 

“Hi!” Patryck said, and he gestured to another boy with usually large eyebrows. They were playing cars together. “This is Paul!”

Paul looked at me, and then returned to chewing on his sweater. I moved Jon over to his older brothers, and he pulled Patryck’s sweater sleeve to entertain himself.

Soon, the other children came to see me. They were nice kids, with the expectational rude question like, “Are you a vampire?” from Tom, pointing at my pale skin. 

They’re just kids though, what could go wrong? 

A lot, that’s what. 

It was about 11:40, and I had just given Jon his lunch. I felt someone pulling on my dress and I looked down. 

“Ms. Evelyn, we are hungry. Can we have macaroni?” Matt asked, and I nodded. 

“Just as soon as I get Jon down fire his nap, then I’ll fix you some lunch Matt.” I told the redhead, and I went left him unattended. 

That was a mistake.

I set Jon down, read him a story, and made sure he fell asleep. I heard screaming and rushed downstairs, and was terrified at the scene before me. Tom, Tord, Matt, and Eduardo a fair distance from the stovetop, were a small fire had started. The room was filled with smoke. 

I grabbed the fire extinguisher in the pantry and put out the fires. I sighed in relief and turned to the boys. 

“What happened? I’m not angry, I just want to know.” I asked gently, getting down to their level. Tom had tears in his eyes. 

“We tried t-to make m-macar-roni!” He sobbed, and I hugged him. By this point, all children had gathered into the dining room. 

“We were fighting on how to make it and the box fell on the hot thing...” Eduardo said, looking at the floor. 

“You should have waited, I was going to make you lunch right after I put Jon to bed...” I said, wiping his tears away. 

“We’re sorry, Ms. Evelyn...” Matt sniffled, and I ruffled his hair. 

“Patryck, Paul, how about you open my duffle bag and get my coloring books out of it? And Patryck, there’s some smoke in the air. Do you have your inhaler on you?” I asked, opening a window and turning the ceiling fan. 

Pat nodded, and the duo went off to grab my things. I gestured to the boys to follow their brothers, then turned to the stovetop to clean it off. 

When Mari got home, I told her what happened. 

“WHAT?!?!” She squawked loudly, and I cringed. 

“So....$50 please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How Tom learned to set fire to trees JK 
> 
> And that's actually not much to pay for a babysitter especially since its 9 kids [I would know I've been paid $60 to take care of a 4 month old for 5 hours] you should probably up your price haha
> 
> There was an emergency??? IDK had to leave my kids for some reason...  
> ~Mari


End file.
